Unbreakable: Spoiler alert!

I try not to talk about the endings of movies that people might see but I figure that since Unbreakable came out seven years ago it's probably safe. But, before I get to that, I'd like to say that I disagree with, what appears to be, the common consensus on M. Night Shyamalan. Namely that The Sixth Sense is awesome, Unbreakable was a let-down, Signs sucked, The Village was awful and Lady in the Water warranted a lynching. I think he's mainly been criticized for repeating himself but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. There's not a lot of variety in Hitchcock's oeuvre but he's still one of the greatest directors ever. I think there's a lot to say about a craftsman who find his niche and produces elegant variations on a theme. Shyamalan has consistently made films that are thrilling, funny and just generally entertaining. Yeah, he can go a little overboard and take his audience in bizarre directions but I admire a guy with that much audacity and imagination.

Anyway, on to the film and, more specifically, the ending. I like how Shyamalan basically gives away the ending right before it happens. It softens the blow and doesn't make it seem like he's trying to pull a fast one on you. I mean, when Bruce Willis is told that there are two kinds of villains, the lesser ones that fight with their hands and the real villain who fights with his mind, we know that we know that Willis has yet to face the mastermind. Also, we know that the film is almost over so there isn't enough time to introduce a new character. That narrows the search down to pretty much Willis' wife, son and the slightly deranged character played by Samuel L. Jackson. The choice is clear, especially if we recall Jackson's line "However unreal it may seem, we are connected, you and I. We're on the same curve, just on opposite ends."

However, I didn't really buy Jackson's motivation. His whole reason for being evil was an existential crisis. I mean, if he was trying to locate Willis so that he could lock him up in his lab and perform experiments on him until he could figure out how to steal Willis' unbreakability, reducing his own breakableness, that would make sense. But believing that "the scariest thing is . . . (t)o not know your place in this world, to not know why you're here" to the point of killing lots of innocent people? That's kinda silly.


I can't believe that Samuel L. Jackson was really Bruce Willis' father . . . and a sled! Oh Manoj, you've done it to us again.

She's All That: And a bag of potato chips

I've always been confused by how I made it through high school without seeing She's All That until I realized that it was released during my freshman year of college. It's a solid teen flick but I wasn't crazy about the leads. That made me a little sad because I used to have a huge crush on Rachael Leigh Cook. I loved her in Josie and the Pussycats (one of the most underrated films of all-time), All I Wanna Do (an awesome movie, even if Joe Hofman and I are the only ones who have ever seen it), and Antitrust (she managed to make that one bearable) but I guess she just doesn't do it for me anymore. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that Freddie Prinze, Jr. is just famous because his dad was a shitty actor.

I would have liked to see more of the supporting cast. It's almost a crime to have Anna Paquin, Dulé Hill, Clea DuVall, Gabrielle Union and Kevin Pollak in your movie and not really give them anything to do. I mean, Sarah Michelle Gellar wasn't allowed to talk for Christ's sake! However, in a film that also features The Sherminator and that guy from the Twix commercial I was glad that they found time to give Matthew Lillard a decent part. He was truly awesome as a reality show reject, I kinda wish the whole movie was about his Brock Hudson. See, even his name is the coolest!


"I wanted Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island" ugly, not Cornelius on Planet of the Apes ugly. TV ugly, not . . . ugly-ugly."

Crumb: Who's Robert Crumb?

R. Crumb is probably best known for his "Keep on Truckin' . . ." illustration (above), a Big Brother & The Holding Company (Janis Joplin's band) album cover or Fritz the Cat (which he is none too proud of). He's also been accused of being a misogynist and a racist. I'm not really familiar enough with his work to say whether he's commenting on misogynism and racism or just being them. However, I do get the impression that he's the kind of artist who just takes whatever messed up thoughts are in his head and puts them on paper. That probably doesn't make for the most enlightened work but it's certainly honest.

There's a fine line between genius and madness and Crumb shows us how that line runs through one family. You know things are bad when the successful and happily-married brother is the one who was sexually attracted to Bugs Bunny as a child. And I'm not talking about Bugs dressed as a woman (hey, we've all been there) I mean regular old Bugs.

It's fascinating to see how similar Robert is to his oldest brother, Charles, and how differently their lives turned out. They're both talented artists who are also giant freaks. Yet, Robert was able to venture out into the world and carve out a niche for himself while Charles became a shut-in, living with his mother in a house with comforters hung up to block the windows. Even Max, Robert's youngest brother, escaped from home. If only to become a beggar who sits on a bed of nails on the streets of San Francisco.

Basically, this is a great documentary. Even if it did loose me for a little bit while that art critic was comparing Crumb to Goya, Brueghel and Daumier.


R. Crumb is on the far right, his relatively well-adjusted brother is in the middle and his, surprisingly, somewhat-normal son is on the left.

The Big Easy: Peasy Japanesey

The Big Easy is one of those movies that people have been telling me to see for years and I can see why. Its got a pair of great early performances by Dennis Quaid and Ellen Barkin as well as some good supporting work from Ned Beatty and John Goodman. It's even got a cameo by Jim Garrison who you may remember as the character played by Kevin Costner in JFK or, if you're really old, the overzealous District Attorney of Orleans Parish from, uh, life.

That being said, I'm not sure how much I actually liked it. There were some great parts and the love scenes between Barkin and Quaid were pretty hot but I was hoping that it would be more of a neo-Noir, like Body Heat. Also, I could have done without the mega-happy ending. It seemed really gratuitous.

As a side note, I'm sure there are plenty of reasons to like Dennis Quaid (like, his talent) but for me his appeal boils down to one thing, he's got the Calvin Smile. It is a rare condition where one's smile forms an upside-down equilateral triangle. I had a roommate who suffered from it and it's one of the most goodwill inducing things I've ever seen. Seriously, how can you not love the little scamp?


According to IMDb: The production company was aided greatly in its ability to film in and around New Orleans by the state's Film Commission. Shortly after this film (which is about political corruption) premiered, several members of the Film Commission were indicted in a kickback scandal.

Awesome.

Grandma's Boy: Old ladies doing weed, that's funny. Right?

Another mysterious entry in my Netflix queue is Grandma's Boy, an Adam Sandler movie only with Allen Covert instead of Adam Sandler. Who is Allen Covert? Exactly.

It also had Linda Cardellini from "Freaks and Geeks" (who's not as cute as a blonde) and I really sympathize for actresses in these kinds of films. Their job is to be a plot device and window dressing. It doesn't seem very rewarding. Oh well, at least she had a small part in Brokeback Mountain.


It was nice to see Kevin Nealon again. I hope he gets back to doing comedy soon.

The Band Wagon: Hey everybody, let's put on a show!

Roger Ebert's Great Movies led me to the MGM musical The Band Wagon. It's directed by Vincente Minnelli (the father of that talented crackpot), stars an aging Fred Astaire (he's not Funny Face-old but he's pretty close) and features a key supporting role by Oscar Levant (who's not nearly as cool in this as he was in An American in Paris).

This film was written by Betty Comden and Adolph Green a year after the pair did Singin' in the Rain and this feels like a pale imitation of that (only with Broadway instead of Hollywood). Near the end it has a long, artsy dance number just like "Gotta Dance" (or the ballet in An American in Paris for that matter). Even the signature song “That’s Entertainment” seems like a second-rate “Make ‘em Laugh”.

If you're trying to figure out whether or not to watch this I'd ask you how much you liked Singin' in the Rain. If you're like me and you think that it's overrated and kind of uneven, I'd say you can give this one a miss. On the other had, if you think that it's the greatest movie ever made, I'd tell you to catch this one. It might not be as good but, hey, what is?


Do you find that picture as creepy as I do?

Saint Ralph: See Ralph, See Ralph Run

Sometimes things mysteriously appear in my Netflix queue, things like Saint Ralph. This is supposed to be one of those comedies with a lot of heart but its got too much heart and not enough comedy.

Its about a Catholic school boy named Ralph who's mother falls into a coma. Ralph overhears someone say that it will take a miracle for his mother to recover and, in a separate incident, is told that it would take a miracle for someone from his schools track team to win the Boston Marathon. Ralph interprets this as meaning that he must win the Boston Marathon for his mother to recover, failing to realize that the miracle he actually needs is for his mother to recover. Fortunately, Ralph has former Olympic-caliber runner/current priest Campbell Scott and weight-lifting nurse Jennifer Tilly to help him on his quest.

Then some stuff happens that isn't particularly funny or uplifting and the whole thing concludes with an ending that's a complete cop-out.

Also, there's something about this kid that kinda makes me want to punch him in the face.

Underworld - Evolution: Things happen

I saw the first half of Underworld: Evolution while I was half-drunk, then Ringo paused the movie for over an hour while he attempted to bake cookies and I ended up watching the second half with a headache as I caught up on reading Slate articles. Also, I never saw the original. So, this wasn't really an ideal viewing situation. This movie seemed pretty stingy with the vampire on werewolf action and heavy on complicated mythology and back stories that nobody cares about . . . really heavy.


Kate Beckinsale is hot. Kate Beckinsale in a skin-tight black leather outfit should be a lot hotter than it is.

Au revoir, les enfants: A reservoir, the childrens (I don't really know French)

Reservoir Dogs got it's name from a mangled pronunciation of the Louis Malle film Au revoir, les enfants. Yeah yeah, I know, déjà vu. I didn't do it on purpose, it's just where Roger Ebert's Great Movies led me.

This is a sweet film about the relationship between two boys at a Catholic boarding school in France during World War II. In the beginning the new kid, Jean, tries to befriend Julien, the main character. Julien is very dismissive and very hostile towards Jean. Eventually this adversarial relationship morphs into a kind of friendship as Julien begins to suspect that Jean is a Jew in hiding. Julien's suspicions lead him to his older bother and the two share this exchange:

"Francois, what's a yid?"

"A Jew."

"I know, but what exactly is a Jew?"

"Someone who doesn't eat pork."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Not at all."

"What have people got against them?"

"The fact that they're smarter than us, and that they crucified Jesus."

"That's not true. It was the Romans. Is that why they have to wear yellow stars?"

"Will you take my letter to Davenne?"

"No. What do you want with her anyway?"

"Never mind. Be nice. I'll lend you my Arabian Nights. It'll give you a hard-on."

I think that speaks volumes.


If the Nazis ever take over your country, try to make sure that nobody gets dicked-over because that just leads to bad things.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Avoid hysteria

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a capable adaptation of the radio series/record albums/novels/television series/computer game/stage show/comic book/video game/towel. I've read the novels and the movie felt like a Cliff's Notes version of them (which are a great read, if you fell the urge to get your geek on).

The whole thing seems a little half-baked. They cover all of the important themes but it feels like they tried to put too much in, plot lines that unfolded over several novels are condensed and wrapped up in a little over 90 minutes. And the character of Humma Kavula is set up to be a major villain but after his one scene about half-way through the movie he disappears, never to be seen again. It seems like their goal was to make a one-off film and, considering the volumes of source material available to them and the preexisting cult following, I don't know why they didn't save some stuff for the sequels and try to make a franchise out of this thing. That seems like it would have been a better business move.

I do think that they did a great job of casting this film. Martin Freeman (Tim from the British version of "The Office") pretty much embodies Arthur Dent and Mos Def is an unconventionally brilliant choice for Ford Prefect. Sam Rockwell was also perfect for Zaphod Beeblebrox, even if they did deal with his two heads in the most disturbing manner possible. Although, I don't get having Warwick Davis play the body of Marvin while Alan Rickman did the voice. Don't all the thankless we-need-a-dwarf-to-crawl-into-a-robot-but-not-talk roles go to Kenny Baker?

In the end, I'm not sure if this whole exercise works a film but it did succeed in reminding me of all the things about the books. So, I guess that's something.


FunFact: Zooey Deschanel is really pretty.

United 93: Unsettlingly effective

United 93 is a highly disturbing movie.

The main reason for this is its commitment to realism. It deals with actual events and, therefore, carries the emotional weight of 9/11 on its back. A lesser film would have used that weight to manipulate the audience but director Paul Greengrass avoids this by maintaining a naturalistic style. Most of the shots are hand-held which gives the impression that we are watching a documentary and subtly implies that everything you see is real. Also, the score avoids indicating how the audience should feel. There's no sweeping music at the dramatic moments and this enables you to experience emotions in your own time. I found myself getting choked up a little bit after the big moments after I'd had a minute to process things.

The illusion of reality is maintained by the cast of largely unknown actors. One of the curses of becoming a successful actor is that is that people eventually begin to see you as more of a personality than a character. With unknown actors you don't have that kind of distraction. The film also spent a lot of time dealing with the air-traffic controllers and others on the ground who are slow to realize what is going on. The cliche thing to do in a movie like this would be to indicate the seriousness of the situation to the audience by having the actors get freaked out. However this film shows the characters as competent but ignorant. This forces the audience to engage with the film and supply the sense of urgency that we know is required but that these observers fail to realize.

This isn't an easy film to watch, partly because of the tragic subject matter and partly because it asks so much of the viewer. Audiences today have been lulled by films that only seek to passively entertain them so when something like this comes along it can be very challenging.

However, there was one aspect of the movie that really bothered me. In a film that dealt with highly contentious issues by being largely apolitical (it left all of the judgments up to you), it was a shame to see the one European passenger portrayed as naively attempting to appease the terrorists. It came off as a cheap shot against the French, Germans, etc. and it seems beneath this film.

The Island of Dr. Moreau: Hey, House of Pain would make an awesome band name

This is the third version of The Island of Dr. Moreau that I've seen (fourth if you count Island of the Twilight People) but it's the first one I've seen that's set in the proper period. I have a problem with adaptations which set H. G. Wells in a contemporary setting. What I really like about his novels is that they're a hundred-year-old vision of the future. To me it's much more fascinating to read about Martians that launch themselves to Earth from a giant cannon than watch flying saucers or some weird lightning/subterranean invasion strategy. That being said, this movie isn't all that great. It's no Island of Lost Souls but it's definitely better than you know what. It's pretty impressive that they got Burt Lancaster and Michael York to be a part of this.

Watching this I couldn't help but notice that Dr. Moreau, who essentially made himself a god to the creatures on his island, is very reminiscent of Col. Kurtz. Then I couldn't help but think about how this film was made after Heart of Darkness was written (which was written after The Island of Doctor Moreau) but before Apocalypse Now was made and therefore well before Marlon Brando played both roles . . . and that made my head hurt. I was also impressed by a scene where the Sayer of the Law noted that "He tells us not to kill and yet He kills". That's a fairly impressive critique of religion from a manimal.


By the by, this is the greatest movie review I've ever read.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three: 17 people have been taken hostage, better call Walter Matthau and Jerry Stiller

Reservoir Dogs got it's criminals-identify-themselves-by-color idea from The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, a fairly awesome 70's crime thriller with one of the best closing shots I've ever seen. It's also got a great cast with Robert Shaw (the guy from Jaws whose name you don't know), Martin Balsam (the guy from Psycho who's not psycho), Hector Elizondo (the guy from "Chicago Hope"), Tony Roberts (the guy from all those Woody Allen movies), Jerry Stiller (George's dad), and Walter Matthau (seriously, if you don't know, I can't help you).

Shaw, Balsam, and Elizondo are the crooks who hijack a subway train, Matthau and Stiller are the transit authority cops trying to keep things under control and Roberts is the guy from the Mayor's office that's responsible for getting the ransom money. A lot of the tension and humor comes from Matthau, Stiller, and pretty much everyone else's confusion over why these guys decided to hijack a form of transportation that's confined to tracks and underground and how they think they can possible get away with the loot.

Pelham is the earliest movie that I've seen which focuses on a group of criminals who take a large group as hostages. It was released a year before 1975's Dog Day Afternoon, with which it shares many thematic elements. I think it's significant that both films reference Attica and I can't help but wonder if those prison riots awakened some fear in the American public that eventually lead to a mini-genre with blockbuster films like the Die Hard series (coming soon Die Hard 4: Die Die Hard Die). If I were a film student that would totally become the thesis for a paper.


FunFact: Mustaches were popular in 1974.

Star Trek - Nemesis: Yeah, they made ten of these...so far

When you expect a movie to completely blow it leaves a lot of room for you to be pleasantly surprised. That's how I felt about Star Trek: Nemesis, it wasn't the best Trek film (by a long shot) but it didn't suck. The plot is completely ridiculous/confusing but it seemed like the cast was having a lot of fun and that counts for a lot.

Early in the picture we discover that the Romulan Empire consists of the planet Romulus (where all those Vulcan-looking guys live) and the planet Remus (where the Romulans keep their Nosferatu-looking slaves). Soon the entire Romulan Senate is assassinated in a Reman coup lead by Captain Picard's evil clone in a sequence that undoubtedly contains complex mythological allusions that I don't get. This movie also contains Data's retarded brother, who is not to be confused with Data's evil twin. Oh, and in case your not all that familiar with the Trek universe, Data is a robot. Also, this movie marked Wil Wheaton's return the Trek universe as Wesley Crusher . . . but they didn't let him speak. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

This movie raised a lot of questions for me:

The started this thing off with a senate scene? Is that because they saw Episode I and thought, "That's the way to go!"?

Is that a new Enterprise? What happened to the old one? Wait, was it destroyed at the end of First Contact? Then, is this the same ship they had in Insurrection?

What the hell happened in Insurrection anyway? Was F. Murray Abraham really in a Star Trek movie or did I dream that?

Why isn't Geordi blind anymore?

Doesn't Worf work on the Deep Space Nine station? How'd he get back on the Enterprise?

Does Data still have emotions? I know he got that chip but does it still work or did he turn it off or something?

Are robots supposed to get a little fatter as they get older?

Why doesn't the Federation have cloaking technology yet? The Romulans have had it for hundreds of years. What's the hold up guys?

Is Picard's evil clone played by Billy Corgan?

Was Picard always bald?

How did Kathryn Janeway get to be an admiral? I thought she was stuck out in the Delta Quadrant.

Worf is familiar with the works of Irving Berlin? Really?

Picard had Shalaft's syndrome as a child? Was I supposed to know that?

They're not really going to show the naked wedding, are they?

Why didn't they let Jonathan Frakes direct this? He did such a good job with First Contact. Wait, was it because of Insurrection?

Who are those aliens with dune buggies?

Does Riker have an evil twin too? One who ironically sported no facial hair? Or was it a double created in a transporter mishap? Whatever happened to that guy?

So, Remans have tea. And they can serve it hot. But is it Earl Grey?

How bad do things have to get for Deanna Troi to take control of the Enterprise?

Why do ships in Star Trek always slow down and stop when their engines fail? Don't objects in motion tend to, uh, stay in motion? I'll have to consult my copy of The Physics of Star Trek.


You can't cover Ron Perlman in that much make-up and then not tell me that he's in the movie. It's just not fair.

Atlantic City: Inspired setting, inspired casting, so where's the inspired film?

Atlantic City is another movie I got from Roger Ebert's Great Movies. It's directed by Louis Malle, the director of My Dinner with Andre (and husband of Candice Bergen, until his death), who's not quite part of the French New Wave. I liked My Dinner with Andre more. Atlantic City is a solid film with the delightful combination of an old Burt Lancaster and a young Susan Sarandon, however, it didn't really move me. There are plenty of admirable things about this film, such as it's focus on characters over the drug-related plot, but it just left me a little cold.


In this film Susan Sarandon takes off her top and rubs lemons on her breasts . . . several times.