Wait, why are you taking a week off of work?

Friends, I have an important announcement to make. No, it's not that I have a new blog (clearly, you're aware). It it that I will be unavailable from April 5th through the 18th because I will be attending the 16th Annual Philadelphia Film Festival! (Leslie, I know you're devastated that I won't be able to celebrate your birthday with you, but I want you to know that you will be in my thoughts, and my heart . . . and, to a lesser extant, my thyroid)

I would also like to take this opportunity to invite all of you to come out to experience some Philly culture by watching films that were, for the most part, made elsewhere. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Keith, are these movies really for me?" The answer is a resounding, "Yes!"

Don't believe me? I'll break it down for you:

Ringo, what better way is there to celebrate your God (G/d?) ruthlessly slaughtering infants than to watch The Ten? A series of skits centering on the Ten Commandments that's directed by David Wain, "The State" alumnus and Wet Hot American Summer auteur. And if that isn't reason enough to go the film features Paul Rudd, Jessica Alba, Oliver Platt, H. Jon Benjamin, Winona Ryder, Liev Schreiber, Ken Marino, Rashida Jones, Rob Corddry, Michael Ian Black, Famke Janssen, and fucking Ron Silver!

Corey, how about the sports documentary The Curse of William Penn? Sure, it's not about the curse you're really interested in, however it will be proceeded by the short film Chasing Buckner. I'd explain who Buckner is, but Corey already knows and nobody else would care.

Colleen, can you turn down a Cary Grant movie with a post-modern feminist analysis? I think not. Seriously, The Philadelphia Story followed by a group discussion lead by Camille Paglia. How can you resist?

Leslie, do you want to see a documentary about your second favorite grunge musician? Will Kurt Cobain: About a Son do? I suggest that it will.

Tim, how about, um, Boy Culture?

Hilary, I'm sure you're wondering if your alma mater will be represented. You'll be proud to hear that The Killer Within will explore the fascinating story of a man who shot and killed his sleeping roommate at Swarthmore College in 1955. But don't worry, this documentary has a happy ending. The man is now a father of two and a professor of psychology . . . but, uh, not at Swat.

John, are you looking for a goofy new comedy from the creators of Napoleon Dynamite? Because they've got American Fork. Convenient, isn't it?

Jess, I think the title of this one says everything you need to know: The Secret Cinema Presents Stag Movie Night:Vintage Porno From The 1920s, 30s And 40s

Jenn, how about Judy Toll: The Funniest Woman You've Never Heard Of? This funny and touching documentary tells the story of a Philly native who struggled to continue her career in comedy after being diagnosed with cancer.

Sam, can you turn down an "outrageous, pitch-perfect homage to sexploitation films of the 70's about a housewife on a journey of sexual self-discovery"? Then you better not miss Viva.

Howie, remember that guy from Flight of the Conchords? No, not the one that played "Elf Escort" in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, the other one. He plays the lead in Eagle Vs. Shark!

Rosalie, want to learn what your peers are up to? Go see Soft Pretzels, Cheese-Steaks And Other Acts Of God! and check out these short films that were made right here in Philly.

And Charity, what does the film festival have to offer you? Two words: Horse fucking. I'll just quote the write-up for Zoo. "This dreamlike, poetic film takes a surprisingly sensitive look at the bizarre but true story of a Washington State man who died after having sex with a horse in 2005." This documentary features "discreet reenactments."

As for me, what will I be seeing? It's difficult to say, but this should give you some idea.

No excuses. Come see movies.


Photo Courtesy of Philadelphia Film Society