Film Festival: Day 6

Life Can Be So Wonderful

This is the kind of movie that Corey would dismiss as pretentious but I really liked it. It's cinematic poetry.

Taxidermia

In my first festival post I joked about how long it would be before I saw a penis. Well, the answer was day six and that penis shot about three feet of flame, as you can see. I really don't know what to say about Taxidermia. It tells the story of three generations of men who each have an obsession: sex, food and, uh, taxidermy? Maybe that last one's supposed to be death, that probably works better thematically. This Hungarian film has things that I guarantee you've never seen before and they're things that you might be better off not seeing. It's definitely not for the squeamish and it has some vomit scenes that put Stand By Me to shame. Needles to say, I loved it.

On a side note, György Pálfi, the director, is also responsible for Hukkle (Hiccup) a film that shows life in a small town in Hungary without any dialog, other than a song. It is beautiful and this couldn't be more different.

Mr. Pilipenko And His Submarine

This is a documentary about a Ukrainian man who builds a submarine in his garage and has dreams of taking it to the Black Sea. When he takes his sub to a local pond for a test drive you become absolutely terrified that this clearly deranged man is going to die before your very eyes.

Cruel Winter Blues

This is not what you would expect from a gangster film. It's about two men who are waiting for a hit and kill time by, well, living. It's a character study and I think it does for gangster films what Pat Garret & Billy the Kid did for westerns (or maybe it's what McCabe & Mrs. Miller did for westerns, but I digress). It's just full of life, all the good things as well as the bad.

Film Festival: Day 5

Jindabyne

First of all, I'd like to give a shout-out to Tim for coming out to this one and one for his friend who gave me a ride to my next screening afterwards and who's name I've already forgotten (also, I'd like to give a belated shout-out to Ringo for going to The Ten with me). This is one that will definitely hit theaters. I mean, it's got Gabriel Byrne and Laura Linney. If you've ever seen Robert Altman's Short Cuts you'll recognize the story of four guys who go on a fishing trip, find a body, continue their vacation and wait until they they get home to report the incident (both are based on the work of Raymond Carver). The story was a small part of the Altman film but here it's really fleshed out and the cast, directing, and pretty much everything are just great. Additionally, this movie taught me that I can't tell the difference between Aborigines and white people. Who knew?

Consequences

I've got to hand it to the local guys who made this film, it is seriously disturbing. The only problem is that the story is pretty weak and might even boarder on being retarded. It also seemed to have a current of homophobia and, quite frankly, I'm surprised that it got into the festival seeing as one of the villains seemed to be sporting the same red leather pants that I think I've seen on the Executive Director of a certain film society. But if you like movies that make you wince and feel really uncomfortable, you can't go wrong with this one.

The King of Kong

I know we're not even halfway done but I'm going to go ahead and declare The King of Kong to be the most fun documentary of the festival. It's about two middle aged men battling it out for the world's record for highest score on Donkey Kong. This movie is filled to the brim with eccentric characters, unexpected intrigue and awful haircuts.

Triad Election

This was my second Johnny To (the "Jerry Bruckheimer of Hong Kong") film I've seen this festival, after Exiled and I didn't really understand what was going on in this one either. Part of my confusion is that this is a sequel to Election (not the one with Reese Witherspoon) which was supposed to be screened during the festival but got pulled at the last minute due to print availability so, obviously, I haven't seen it. But it was still cool and I learned a lot of things about Hong Kong gangs, such as:

Gangsters elect a Chairman to serve for a two-year term (the duties of a Chairman are unclear)

The Chairman is elected by the "Uncles" who, apparently, make up the board of directors for the gang

If a gangster kidnaps an important person, they will store them in a coffin with the lid screwed shut

When sealing someone in a coffin it is customary to stick one of your own henchmen (preferably the fat guy) in the coffin on top of the person to "keep an eye" on them

Just when you think that you are out they pull you back in

It is acceptable for gangsters to drink out of juice boxes (but, possibly, only if this action is immediately followed by a machete fight)

Film Festival: Day 4

Now that I'm done with the first quarter of the Film Festival, I'd like to take a moment to reflect. I feel like all the movies that I've seen so far have been solid to really good. Nothing has really blown me away or been just crap. I hope the first thing will change but I fear it's more likely that second will.

I feel better prepared to deal with the fest this year due to a couple new acquisitions. The iPod that Corey, Ringo, and Leslie gave me has been a handy thing to have on the longer walks and when I have an hour or so to kill between screenings. Also, the cargoish pants that Colleen picked out for me have been very useful. I've got a pocket that can hold a day's worth of granola bars on each leg!

One thing that troubles me is that I have a tendency to forget what I want to put in this blog by the time it comes to actually write it. For instance, in my review of White Palms I wanted to inform you all that, apparently, in Hungry "stiff as a whore" is an expression. Incredibly, I also failed to note that Hell's Ground features a zombie dwarf.

Also, my left knee is really starting to hurt.

On A Tightrope

This was documentary heavy day for me. The first one is about Chinese-Muslim children who train to become tightrope walkers. It offers a really interesting look at how China indoctrinates it's youth while insulating them from religion. Additionally, it features children in peril as they don't use nets. But don't worry, none of the children fall very far.

Disney Cartoon Rarities

Somehow the curators were given access to the Disney Vault to produce this series. I think the most illuminating were the Alice shorts which featured real girl in a cartoon world. They were introduced by Leonard Maltin and Roy Disney (the one that's still alive) and they talked about how Disney/ABC gained control of the Oswald the Lucky Rabbit cartoons that Walt directed by trading Al Michaels to General Electric/NBC/Universal.

The Curse Of William Penn

This is a pretty good documentary about Philadelphia being unable to win a championship since Liberty One rose above the statue of William Penn.

Crazy Love

It's a simple story of boy meets girl, boy gets girl, girl finds out boy is married, girl leaves boy, boy hires two black men to assault girl, girl opens door to receive a face-full of acid, girl goes blind, boy goes to jail, boy gets out of jail, boy gets girl back, boy marries girl, girl finds out boy has a mistress, boy threatens to throw acid on mistress, boy goes to court (again), girl stands by boy. This doc really has to be seen to be believed.

Best quotes: From the boy's friend, "Even Hitler had friends" and from the girl "I thought marrying him would be the best revenge".

Zoo

Okay, I saw the horse-fucking movie.

First of all, I'd like to say that this is a very inventive film in terms of it's form. It really pushes the boundaries of what a documentary can be at a time when so many in the field are just talking heads. I think the only movie I can really compare it to is American Splendor in the way that it combines interviews with those involved with artistic re-enactments featuring many people playing themselves. I feel like the line between feature films and documentaries can be drawn between these movies with American Splendor just barely being a feature and Zoo just barely a doc.

As for it's content, Zoo really makes you consider the issue of bestiality (or zoophilia). It forces you to confront the humanity of the people involve and I think that's what the best documentaries do.

Film Festival: Day 3

638 Ways To Kill Castro

This is a wacky look at history as well as an indictment of the Bush administration for harboring anti-Castro terrorists. If those two things don't sound like they'd go together well it's because they don't. It's an interesting documentary about the (many) plots to kill Fidel Castro but the tone is inconsistent.

Paprika

I think that picture sums up the film nicely: It's crazy, confusing, weird, wonderful and most of all, fascinating.

The Silent Films Of Our Gang Presented By Leonard Maltin

Shorts weren't really designed to be watched five-in-a-row and although the presentation got to be a bit tiring, the films themselves hold up remarkably well. Before the screening Maltin informed the audience that the idea for Our Gang was born when, one day, producer Hal Roach looked out his office window and saw some kids playing in an abandoned lot. Roach sat transfixed for over half an hour before realizing that the simple pleasure of watching children play could be put on film (and make him a tidy profit). It's that simple charm that makes these shorts classics.

Exiled

I didn't always understand what was going on in this Hong Kong action flick but it was still pretty awesome.

Sisters

A solid remake of an early Brian DePalma film that explores slightly different themes. I think they changed the ending and made it better (I know it's only been about two weeks since I saw the original but I'm can't remember exactly how it ended). Either way, watch out for conjoined twins. Them bitches are crazy! Oh, and so are psychiatrists. Don't go messin' around with them either. You basically want to avoid all doctors and patients. In fact, I'd recommend giving the entire health care industry a pass.

Film Festival: Day 2

White Palms

This is a solid movie about how a boy copes with the physical abuse of his gymnastics coach (the guy holding the sword above), joins the circus, learns how to become a coach without hitting anyone, competes internationally against his student (but no hard feelings) and then joins a better circus. The film covers two decades and plays around with time in an interesting manner by crosscutting between two climactic events in the main character's life, one that occurred in his early teens and the other in his early thirties. It also features a darkly comedic scene where the a coach who runs a Canadian gymnastics program has to explain to the Hungarian-raised lead that it is not okay to hit children. Ah, different cultures.

Change of Address

The two people pictured above don't know that they're in love. Can you believe that?

An old romantic comedy cliche is stretched to the breaking point in this thoroughly enjoyable (but weightless) French film about two people who are so blind to the fact that they are obviously perfect for each other and completely in love that they can't figure out what's going on even after they sleep together. Their blindness and general obliviousness makes for what is essentially one-joke film, but that joke is executed so delightfully that I can't complain.

Fantasia

I absolutely love this movie, always have. I'll just take a quick moment to point out a couple of things I noticed this time around.

I think it was very gutsy of them to open with "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor", the most abstract section. It would have been so much safer to open with Micky in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" and then ease the audience into the more challenging fair. But I guess Disney wanted people to accept the movie on his term. Good for him.

I think the end of the film is so powerful because they give you the lightest and most fun piece, "Dance of the Hours" (pictured above), second to last and then hit you with the one-two punch of "Night on Bald Mountain" and "Ave Maria". "Night on Bald Mountain" is such a powerful piece that it's really a change of pace and to end that nightmare with "Ave Maria" is transcendent.

Also, I thought it was interesting that neither the nude fairies from "The Nutcracker Suite" nor the topless centaurs from "The Pastoral Symphony" had nipples, yet the naked female demons from "Night on Bald Mountain" did. It's like Disney's trying to tell us that only bad girls have nipples. I'm not exactly sure what that means but I bet it doesn't represent a very healthy view of sexuality.

Hell's Ground

It's nice to know that half-way around the world in Pakistan they also have teenagers who lie to their parents so that they can go to a rock concert in their cannabis-filled van only to fiend their bloody end in the middle of a dark forest. The only difference is that American teenagers face either the walking dead or a serial killer and his crazy family . . . not both. It's pretty bizarre when the kids try to escape the zombies only to find themselves faced with the (from what I could tell) completely unrelated threat of a man who runs around in a burqa while brandishing a morning star, his brother (below), and their even crazier mother but I guess that's just how the role in the 'stan.

Film Festival: Opening Night

Seeing The Ten is slightly better than watching three episodes of "The State" back to back, which is pretty great to begin with. I love Paul Rudd, Oliver Platt, Rob Corddry, David Wain (even though he was a cock to Ringo when we saw him with Stella) and the rest of "The State" crew and pretty much everything they've ever done. Seriously, I thought those Snickers commercials with Thomas Lennon were the bomb.

The cast was pitch perfect (if that is an actual phrase) in their commitment to the extremely deadpan style. There was none of that winking-to-the-audience crap that makes a lot of comedies so irritating nowadays. Except for one scene where Paul Rudd actually breaks character, looks at the camera, and winks but that was super-cool and not annoying. Paul Rudd is basically the man.

Oh, and even though one of the sections was about guys that like to get naked there was no full-frontal male nudity in this film. We'll see how far into this year's festival I can get before I see a penis.

Overall, it was an awesome opening for the festival and I'm totally pumped about seeing four movies tomorrow.


I love Winona Ryder and I'm so glad that she's allowed to make movies again. I mean, it's been eight years since she was in that shitty Richard Gere thing.

Batman: The stunning conclusion!

I finished the 1943 Batman serial and I must admit that I kind of lost interest in the story. Sure, it had death-rays, zombies, a crocodile pit, racist stereotypes and one of those rooms with spiked walls that slowly close in on you but, quite frankly, it got a little boring. I suppose I would have enjoyed it more in seventeen-minute increments once a week as it was originally intended to be seen.

I do think that Lewis Wilson turned in a great performance as Bruce Wayne. He's got the look of a matinee idol and he really plays up the whole playboy aspect. Wilson plays Bruce like one of those people who's so rich that they just don't know what to do with themselves other than lounge around. He wouldn't seem out of place in La Dolce vita. When Bruce's love interest/Damsel in distress calls him up to tell him about how her boss has been kidnapped and how she wants him to go with her down to the docks or to some abandoned warehouse he always feigns interest and then finds a way to weasel his way out of going with her. Wilson genuinely seems like a man with so much ennui that he's just not interest in joining in on his girlfriend's little adventures. You get the impression that he'd like to bang her but if that requires him to drive across town he'd rather just stay at home and call up one of his other lady-friends who would be willing to come to him. Of course, it's all an act and Batman has succeeded in finding out all the information he needs and kept alter-ego away from the scene of the crime so that he can appear in costume ready to kick ass. Pretty brilliant.

This Batman also has an interesting take on Alfred. He's more comic relief as a jittery accomplish who gets dragged into crime fighting compared to the standard Alfred who's much more stoic and generally confined to Wayne Manor. This Alfred is also more of a chauffeur than a butler and he drives Bruce and Dick all around town in a back Cadillac convertible limousine that doubles as the Batmobile by, um . . . putting the top up. That's right, the Batmobile is just a regular car driven by Bruce Wayne's chauffeur! Why would the bad guys ever catch on to that?


This must be the only version of Batman where the bad guys' car out pimps the Batmobile. Their car can spray-paint itself a different color mid-chase (see below). That's pretty hoss!

Die Another Day: Couldn't they just use Kim Jong-il as the villain?

Die Another Day is an unfortunate film to see after Casino Royale. It combines the camp, gadgets, and general ridiculousness of past Bond movies with some darker elements. It's got facial mutations, a solar-powered death-ray, and a dude with diamond shrapnel in his face but it also has Bond getting captured and being tortured for fourteen months!

The problem (for me) is that Casino Royale took Bond to a much darker place while jettisoning the camp and unnecessary gadgets, creating the first adult Bond film. Die Another Day can't help but seem pale by comparison. I can appreciate how the steps taken in this movie paved they way for what would come next but, in a way, that only compounds the problem. Having Bond get tortured for over a year is certainly dark but when he bounces back with nary a psychological trauma, the whole thing seems like a missed opportunity (much like Michael Madsen's presence in the film).

That being said, there's stuff to recommend. The Bond girls are top notch. Halle Berry is super-hot and turns in a solid performance (she is the first Oscar winner to play a Bond girl, after all) and I loved Rosamund Pike as Miranda Frost, the cold-as-ice-double-super-secret agent. She's got a real classy look to her and I get the feeling that she's a real bitch off-screen which is either great acting or perfect casting, either way, good on them.


This is an homage to Ursula . . . I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought.

Batman: No, not that Batman. No, not that one either . . .

I just saw the first half of the 1943 Batman serial with Lewis Wilson as the first man to play the Dark Knight. (I know, I know, you thought Robert Lowery was the first in the 1949 serial Batman and Robin. Clearly, you were wrong.)

Like 300, this is a product of a nation at war, only this one has a crystal clear message. We know exactly who the good guys are and who the enemy is. Unlike other versions of Batman where the Caped Crusader and his young ward are vigilantes this Batman is an undercover agent for "Uncle Sam". And the villains? Well, the ostensibly objective narrator has this to say about our Japanese Internment policy, "a wise government rounded up the shifty-eyed Japs." Yikes!

The plot revolves around a Japanese mad scientist who is trying to create a giant radium-powered, atom-smasher gun. He remarks that, "We can build a lethal mechanism so destructive as to make retaliation by the United States impossible." Ah yes, only the Japs would be so dastardly as to use atomic weaponry.

The whole thing is pretty campy and rumour has it that it's 1965 re-issue as An Evening with Batman and Robin was the inspiration for the 1966 TV series. Supposedly, the creators of "Batman" sat in the back of the theater mocking the serial before they got the idea to create their own spoof.

I'll have more to say when the second disc comes from Netflix but until then I'll leave you with an image of the villain Dr. Daka, the Japanese prince played by Irish-American character actor J. Carrol Naish.


Jap? Possibly. Shifty-eyed? Undoubtedly.

300: I'm not sure what made me more uncomfortable, the homophobia or the homoeroticism

Wow, 300 was one awesome mess of a movie. I still can't quite get my head around it.

I'd like to begin by covering the awesomeness because it's pretty straight forward. The movie is about King Leonidas (played by Gerard Butler who you may remember not seeing in The Phantom of the Opera) who leads his army of only eighteen hundred abs against millions of Persians. The battle scenes are great with slow motion Matrix-style shots and limbs flying everywhere. It's also got demon warriors, a giant god-king and so many decapitations that I lost count. It's total eye-candy and a lot of fun.

The problem arises when you try to think what the movie is trying to say which is pretty much inevitable when you watch a war movie that was made while we're at war and especially when the bad guys are from the country that we're at war with.

So, you've got the white Spartans starting a war with Persia basically because Leonidas doesn't want to bother with diplomatic relations (I suppose you can argue about who actually started the war but Leonidas totally kills that Persian messenger before any Persians have a chance to kill white people). Clearly this guy's got some George W. Bush overtones, I mean he talks about freedom a lot. Then that means that the Arcadians are the British and the Spartan council is the Democrats . . . and then Theron is Nancy Pelosi?

That makes the Persian leader, Xerxes, Saddam Hussein, because he's trying to take away our freedom. Actually, Xerxes is a really tall god-king so maybe if you take the religious aspect into account he's really Osama bin Laden. Then again, aren't those guys both kind of old news, maybe 300 is looking to the future which would make Xerxes Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. After all, the Persian Empire included Iraq but it was really based out of what is now Iran.

Unless I've got the whole thing backwards. The Persian Empire was the closest thing the world had to a superpower, so that would make them the U.S. Then the vastly outnumbered Spartans would be the Iraqi insurgency, the Arcadians are al-Qaeda and the Athenians are the Kurds.

Or maybe I'm just completely off the mark. Xerxes is referred to as "The King of Kings" and "The Lord of Hosts" and he's willing to accept lepers and the deformed into his tent unlike the Spartans who throw babies that are too small into a death pit. So, I guess that would make Xerxes Jesus? (By the way, I know it's a controversial issue but I feel that I have to go on record as saying that I think these "fourth trimester" or "post-birth" abortions are wrong and I'm sorry if that offends any of you).

I really have no idea what this movie is supposed to mean, but I can tell you that the bad guys look like a lot more fun than the good guys. I know we're supposed to root for the Spartans, but these guys just seem kinda lame. I feel like if you asked one of these dudes to have a beer with you he'd tell you that he should probably get home so he could get a good night's sleep because he needs to wake up before dawn to start his work-out. I bet Xerxes and his rainbow coalition of lesbians and the physically imperfect threw the kind of parties that wouldn't be seen again until Studio 54 hit it's heyday.


So, is that supposed to be Cheney?